Sunday, 11 July 2010

The Fear

(I only posted this picture to prove how hip I am because I know a song by Lilly Allen)

The beauty of horror films comes from throwing the audience into a world that is so vile and disgusting, so far removed from normal life that you can’t help but sit, stare, clench your teeth and stick it out.
This provides the basis for this blog post. I’ve picked out some choice moments from cinema (and video games) that have stuck with me for all the wrong reasons. These aren’t the scariest films or games ever to be produced but they have certainly had a lasting effect on me.

The first is The Fly (Cronenberg 1986). It’s worth pointing out that I feel physically sick even thinking about this film. I hate any kind of body transformation, mutilation, transmogrification or any combination of the previous. So it’s safe to say that the story of an eccentric scientist (have you ever met a scientist that wasn’t eccentric?) who, through a failed experiment, begins to morph into a fly.

I originally watched this a few years ago on TV, I knew a little about the film so I thought why not? Despite being repulsed from start to finish, I stuck it out and god was that a mistake.

The worst bit? Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) vomiting on his food so he can eat it.
I’m desperately struggling to think about sweets and kittens in order to get The Fly out of my head. Maybe my next pick will help.

Super Mario Bros. (1993) (according to Wikipedia, no less than three people directed this film so that goes some way to describing what a mess this is). Anyway you’re probably rolling around on the floor laughing (or whatever the kids are doing nowadays) but bear with me.

Bob Hoskins has publicly said that it’s the worst thing he’s done, not the worst film he’s done, but the worst thing he’s done. Hoskins stars opposite the ‘great’ John Leguizamo so you know you’re off to a winner. Anyway I could rant about this all day...

I saw this film as a sweet innocent child way back at Christmas, many years ago. I distinctly remember eating a bowl of spaghetti hoops while watching it. The scene that haunts me so much? When Princess Daisy’s Dad (at this point, a giant ball of snot) comes down a pipe. He’s just a ball of goo, he has bits flaking off him, it looks like sick, it reminds me of being sick and it makes me sick! It’s also safe to say that I’ve never actually eaten spaghetti hoops since.

And finally a video game. Resident Evil (the first one). I’ve never been a big Playstation guy and thus I’ve missed out on a lot of classics. A few years ago I got my hands on a PS2 and decided to catch up on what I’d missed. I borrowed the original Resident Evil from a friend and decided to play it. I’m good at games, I don’t like survival horror but I’m good at games, so what’s the problem?

Well I put in the game, watched the opening cutscenes, walked into the mansion (very slowly) and when the zombie dog jumped through the window... I turned it off and I haven’t touched it since.

JD Douglas-Walton

Writer & Networker for Grimm Up North

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